so much..

i don't think that i'm ready for really big obligations yet.. not now.

but shit presented itself. and i'm having a hard time coping with this situation. having the sole burden of providing for our family.. that is so much.

i know and i have anticipated that this would happen.. i have thought that when i'm at my 30's then i would be the one to be the breadwinner of the family. i would take care of my parents. by that time i would have given them every good things that i would want to give to them. i wouldn't have a family of my own that's why i have accepted the fact that i will be there fro my family. but it's unfair.. the situation calls for it.. it calls for me to be mature.. am just 22 years old. young, ambitious and selfish at times.. now, thinking of my wants, needs and caprices are not on top of my priority list.. i wish i could turn this around but there's no other way for me to deal with it.. don't get me wrong, i love my family but i just can't help but to question.. why is this happenning?.. we used to be well off.. i mean we don't have any problems making both ends meet.. and our basic needs and so much more were provided by my parents.. but i'm not happy with what's going on now.. i know that this is a test from God.. i just hope that we can get through it..