pre-occupied

it's been a while since my last post. and during that period, lots of things happened that even i gets amused by it. i resigned from work. i had a boyfriend. we broke up. after 5 days, ai met this wonderful guy. who's promised to be everyhting that i have wished for. and so far, he's not letting me down. fate works mysteriously. i was kind of devastated when i broke up with rich. but then again, jay-r proved to be someone else. we clicked. both of our families know that we're together. and there's no you-and-me-against-the-world drama. also money is not an issue with my relationship with jay-r. and by that, i'm overwhelmingly happy. haha.. love it. but i have to find a job though, coz christmas is coming and my responsibilities come knocking in our door every month. so busy. so busy with my boyfriend.

sapul.

so much of my hiatus diba.. pro i just want to share this post.. sinulat ng writer/director na si jun lana. i accidentally landed on his blog at nagsimulang magbasa, but it was 15 minutes later when i realized na hindi basta basta ung author ng mga blogs na binabasa ko.. at habang senti sentihan ang tugtog ko na sana'y maulit muli ni ate regine, ayun, sapul ako sa blog ni jun lana.. grabe.. it talks about your one great love.. basahin nyo..

less and new

it has been a month since i was assigned and trained to take a new line of business in my account.. from level 1 to level 2.. i ended my first month in the specialty queue without hitting any metrics! i really felt that i didn't deserve the promotion of sort. and i don't settle for mediocre.. i wasn't born and i didn't grow up to be fine with a performance that's not remarkable and which is under par of my standard. with focus and hard work, i was able to do better. i was able to hit some but not all. still i'm happy that i improved. which is acceptable because there's still an elbow room to do good the next time.
but things are changing. people are leaving. and adjustment is inevitable. my supervisor of 6 months made the choice to leave the company reasonably because a better opportunity awaits her. also a former mentor and team-mate resigned as well. plus, a budding friend said that she too is resigning. i know that what is happening is natural. but i still can't help but be sad about it.

it was the time of the year again for realignment. meaning, new team, new team mates. and with all of this change, i hope i can cope with it coz it has always been hard for me when the situation calls for me to adopt new environment or whatnot.

after midnight junk (under)delivered..

i woke up at 3am.. that is because i was up till 4pm the day before and today's my first rest day from work in which i have been sleep-deprived for the past 2 days. my work shift starts at 1 am. but enough of that.

i woke up looking for something to eat. but there's nothing in the fridge except water, juice, chocolate bars and frozen foods. i wanted some lazy food. and so i dialled for jollibee delivery. the operator to say the least was like a prosecutor who's asking a whole lot of questions than the usual.. i mean i have a record with them that i ordered over the phone before, so all he needs to ask is my name, phone number and my order. that simple. i'm hungry and the operator is incompetent. i wasn't pleased by that so i said that for someone who's working at a customer service.. he sucks!.. i disconnected the call and phoned mcdonald's. i got a better rep on the line. i ordered a 1pc chicken, large sprite, large fries and a hot fundge sundae that was promised to be delivered by 30minutes. okay. while waiting i checked my mail for new messages. i almost forgot that i'm dead-hungry and that there'd be a delivery of the food i ordered. the delivery guy of mcdo was so dumb. i gave clear and specific instructions on where to deliver but he texted my number which i gave to the operator saying that he was lost. after a couple of exchanged messages, alas, i now have my junk. it satisified my craving but the experience is a lot less thrilling. after eating, i'm at my window smoking a stick of dunhill frost and i realized that i could've cooked my own food without any hassle but i was just plain lazy.

bound to be shared.. broken.. limping.. but still beating..

i have prepared myself that i could end up growing old alone..

yes, somehow in a way i'm anticipating that would come but as hopeless romantic as i could be, i always dream that there's this one person who'll share his life with me.. who'll offer himself wholly to me and for only me.. the one who will fill the void in my life..

but i don't know.. i thought i found that person which i foolishly always think when somebody comes into my life..

for the nth time.. mistress seemed to be the role that i get and play without my knowledge.. if i'm really greedy and if i only think of myself, i could stay in whatever relationship that we have not minding his other love.. but i can't just be content with that.. i know i'm good enough for someone.. someone who'll give his full attention and affection.. who's unfortunately up to this time is still an enigma.. and besides i can't stay because i know that our relationship will lead nowhere..

if there's one good thing that came out of this.. it is myself not being so bitter..

which i was when this happened with my first love.. more so with that person who didn't even utter to me that he will soon be getting married..

can't i just find a guy who's not attached with someone else?.. because it is always in the end that i find that they're committed but sadly not with me when i have already fallen.. and i will not draw myself to self-destructure when i know that what i'm taking is a road without any directions.. worse, i know that in the end i will be left alone.. but as leona lewis sang.. it'll all get better in time..

the dark knight

i love watching movies. it is somehow my escape to the real world. romantic comedies are relief if am down and hurt.. well that depends if i'm bitter or whatnot. sci-fi, coz it stretches my imagination. drama, if i want to feel melancholic. action when i'm in touch with my machismo.. char.. but recently i don't have the time and not to mention budget (poor me) to watch movies in cinema houses as much as i can. but one thing is for sure.. i would opt not to watch the new batman movie.. i admit i'm not a huge batman fan but there's other reason why i wouldn't watch the new installment of the cape crusader and that is because the late heath ledger stars as the villain as the joker. it was his last movie that he did before his untimely departure. it would be so eerie to watch him play that role.. i would like to remember him in fils like a knight's tale.. now that would give me a smile and perhaps will make me miss him not in a terrible manner.

so f*cking busy!!!

it's been quite a while since my last post here.. been busy sa work nd all.. i'll try to update u guys from now on as much as i could.. okei.. luv yah..

so much..

i don't think that i'm ready for really big obligations yet.. not now.

but shit presented itself. and i'm having a hard time coping with this situation. having the sole burden of providing for our family.. that is so much.

i know and i have anticipated that this would happen.. i have thought that when i'm at my 30's then i would be the one to be the breadwinner of the family. i would take care of my parents. by that time i would have given them every good things that i would want to give to them. i wouldn't have a family of my own that's why i have accepted the fact that i will be there fro my family. but it's unfair.. the situation calls for it.. it calls for me to be mature.. am just 22 years old. young, ambitious and selfish at times.. now, thinking of my wants, needs and caprices are not on top of my priority list.. i wish i could turn this around but there's no other way for me to deal with it.. don't get me wrong, i love my family but i just can't help but to question.. why is this happenning?.. we used to be well off.. i mean we don't have any problems making both ends meet.. and our basic needs and so much more were provided by my parents.. but i'm not happy with what's going on now.. i know that this is a test from God.. i just hope that we can get through it..

just us..

am i being selfish if i want to spend time with my friends?

there are times that should be exclusive for get-together of friends only. isn't it?

no hassles. no chaperones. no boyfriends/girlfriends.

simply put.. no division of attention. just us having a great time.

bitter?? i think not.

tell me.. if you haven't have seen your friends for quite a while and it's almost impossible for your schedules to mesh to squeeze one soiree..

am i not allowed to demand an "exclusive get-together"?..

Remembering Heath Ledger

Heath Andrew Ledger

April 4, 1979 - January 22, 2008

--

*"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future."

--

10 Things I Hate About You

The Patriot

A Knight's Tale

Brother's Grimm

Brokeback Mountain

Casanova

--

Heath Ledger lived a too-brief but triumphant acting career. I first fell in love with him on 10 Things I Hate About You.. And more so when he played this funny and charming medieval sports hero on A Knight's Tale.. Later on he made a mark when he played Ennis in Brokeback Mountain.. I didn't know that he has such depth in acting. A role that earned him an Academy© Award nod.. I wanted to post pictures of him for the last couple of movies he did after Casanova, but he played dark yet beautifully-done roles.. I may not be able to watch Batman Begins sequel The Dark Knight where he played the character of Joker. It seems eerie to see him in that role.. So for now, I prefer to remember him in a light, good-feel movies he's done. It may take a while for me to watch again Brokeback Mountain cause I may cry for a different reason..

* - Heath's quote from imdb.com

letting me down..

what is happening?? this is going on like a streak of bad publicities of britney.. last night, i was again disappointed, hurt, ignored and completely left out by my "friends" for a supposed to be big event for us before the year ends.. so much expectation, under delivered..

if you ask me how would i describe the friendship that i have with some of my friends right now.. i'll just say.. "they're not rexona!"..

that is a quote not meant to all of my friends because (am glad that) i still have true and good ones left. but is this a reality check??.. is it a problem of mine that i invest so much of my emotions, time and effort for the friendship that i have with my friends?.. i know, i, too, as a friend is not perfect.. but it's so hard to accept that the ones that you love would be able to forget you let alone ignore you.. it would be a new year in 2 days.. and the experience that i'm having makes me think to assess my life and contemplate who really are my true friends.. sad but true..

lost and found

i just realize that you can be friends with anybody for quite a while but then you can also be a non-existent entity to that person after a couple of years.. it's like you're a paper with gold glitters.. the glitter on it are your friends.. they keep you shiny, pretty, and provide your sense of purpose.. but after a while, the glitters will fall out because of two reasons.. either you blew the excess of it or they just didn't hold on to the glue.. maybe i'm seeing another shade of what really life is.. you can have friends.. but they can't stay with you forever.. we have our own paths to take.. our own journey.. but it just saddens me that some of the friends who i really thought would be there with me for the longest time, are simply detaching themselves from me.. i've got not one person in my mind because.. every now and then.. a friend will leave and take that piece of the puzzle of your life with them.. either you made the decision to be not friends with them anymore because of a fight that you had or they could just forget you and not to care as much as before till the time comes that they would not feel guilty losing you.. much to your dismay, the ones who leave most of the times are the ones who you want to be with forever..

where's the belt??

8 days to go till christmas.

once i was a child, and this was the season of the year which i truly look forward to come because everything seems to be just right.. like you're going ecstatic for simple and little things.. like going to church to attend a mass with my family and going shopping to buy new clothes for christmas and new year.. the fun that me and my friends had when were doing caroling.. mka-dos lang sa isang bahay tuwang tuwa na kmi.. eating puto bumbong after simbang gabi.. and of course the aguinaldo na bigay ng mga ninong at ninang ko at kung sinuswerte may pakimkim din galing sa mga kamag-anak at kapit bahay nmin.. and sometimes dahil sa sobrang katakawan eh naiimpacho pa dahil ang daming handa.. christmas truly is for children.. but in the eyes of a grown up, christmas truly is an expensive season.. i'm all grown up now.. i still go to church with my family but i do the shopping myself.. i was asked to buy my own outfit and also my mom's and my eldest sis'.. i can't go to every house in our barangay for 9 nights singing my lungs out and be content kung bigyan man nila ako ng 10 piso.. but i think me and my friends can do caroling on the 24th.. haha.. tamang kikil.. but puto bumbong is still good and now i appreciate eating bibingka.. and the thing that i'll appreciate more is if my ninong and ninang will still give me my aguinaldo! as if! but this thing is confirmed, i will be the one giving such para sa mga inaanak ko.. haha.. i know that delectable foods will still be there but i also know that beer will be overflowing! this time, less food.. go for beer!! because i can't drink that back when i was 7.. it's justified.. christmas season is not even a month long.. but with so many expenses i need to be in a survivor mode..

confused but not dazed and so many things..

it's been a while since my last post.. am so sorry.. smart bro wasn't as reliable as much as i hoped for.. but eniweiz a lot of things happenned since my last entry.. you can read that i was melodramatic the last time..

but before that, me and my friends watched beyonce at the fort.. the ticket was a complimentary from my good friend from high school christine.. and no, we were not at the general admission! social! haha.. beyonce was such a phenomena! she delivered and went beyond everybody's expectation.. sad because we were unable to catch the first few songs that she sang because we're late.. there was a heavy traffic around the fort.. finding a parking spot was such a challenge.. and running to the entrance was exhausting.. but it was all worth it.. i love her! she's not only a singer but a total performer..

after the concert, we went to eat at kfc buendia cor. pasong tamo at the caltex station.. we we're still in a hyper mood because we're still reminiscing how great beyonce is.. but we received a terrible news.. my friend, kate, the twin sister of christine, wasn't able to passed the board exam to be an engineer.. she said there were 4000+ who took the exam and only 1247 passed.. she was devastated.. she was sobbing and wasn't able to eat her food..

but the roller coaster ride of that night didn't end there, because as tita connie, mom of christine and kate, was about to eat her spaghetti, we were shocked to find a big dead cockroach!!! yuuuck! i suddenly lost my appetite.. we did what a frustrated and angry customer would do.. we made a scene in that store! asking for an apology, a refund for everything that we bought and an incident report.. the manager was startled.. he didn't know what to do.. they gave us everything we demanded for except for the incident report.. we actually took pictures of the spaghetti with the cockroach.. it was on christine's cell.. as soon as i get the copy of it.. i will devote a new post everyhting about our kfc experince..

but back to me dreading november 10...

yes.. it did happen. he got married.. i was even the emcee of their wedding's reception.. i think i did good.. i was able to come through it without any tear falling down on my cheeks.. it was so surreal, like i was having an outer body experience.. i can't believe that it was actually happenning.. that i am keeping a smiling face all throughout the wedding, the reception and the party in their house.. he was every bit of what a groom should be.. as much as i want to, i can't be his bride.. maybe in another lifetime.. haha.. but really, i'm happy for them.. bitter but still living.. soon, i can get over him like i got over to the many of them before..

am not hurting severely anymore.. maybe because flirting helps the heart heals.. you may disagree with me but it keeps me busy and it also give a smile to my face.. it's my way of diverting my attention from one love to another prospect.. haha.. but i'm not on a mission.. i just flirt a lot.. but at the end of the day, it's still him, my "somebody"..

and lastly, i can look forward to the end of the month.. bum no more! i'm a part of peoplesupport now.. and my wallet which has been in a drought for so long will be able to taste thousands again!.. haha.. at last i can pay my credit card bills.. and not only that, i'll be getting my backpay from ibm daksh!! am so rich this end of november!!! haha..

so many things.. so lot to say.. am so confused..

I want to Skip November 10

No, I do not have an exam on that day.. it was long ago that I was once a student.

It's also not the day that the world will see a naked picture of me.. if i have one.

My credit card bills aren't due on that day either.

And definitely that's not the day when Mariah will drop her latest album.

But that's the day when somebody, my somebody, will say... I DO.

I'm having a hard time coping with the situation.

Seeing him and acting like everything's ok.

I'm awake and not floating in a fantasy world.

My heart bleeds.

I fake smiles and laughters.

Sorrow is translucent behind my eyes.

Fighting back tears.

Maybe what we have was no more than a tease.

Just an ilussion.

But backed up by his proofs of love.

I'm invited to his special ocassion.

What am I to do?

I dread to hear him say those words.

Because I will never be the one to answer that.

He can never put that ring in my finger.

This is reality.

Heartbreakingly. It's a fact.

I'll put on a brave face.

But he knows it'll be just an act.

I might cry. I might sob.

I just want to skip November 10.

For it not to happen.

But am no psycho.

I'm not selfish.

I want him to be happy.

I wish them well.

Dirty (Prince) Harry

The latest scandal that rocks the Windsor family involves their very own, the rumored alcoholic Prince Harry appearing in a compromising video and some pictures. THESE are the shocking pictures that show Prince Harry inhaling vodka through his nose in a drinking game medical experts warn could KILL.

In the video, pals cheer loudly as Harry slugs a bottle cap of vodka, swills it around his mouth, spits it back into the cap and then snorts it up his nose. After a while, Harry—a 2nd Lieutenant in the Blue and Royals —closes his eyes and shakes his head as the alcohol, shooting straight into his bloodstream, takes effect. Experts on drink abuse have warned that the game is potentially deadly. But the "fun" doesn't stop there. He was also pictured licking other guy's nipple while spending a vacation in Namibia! Licky Licky!

-- It may be fun to some but what I really think is that this tabloid-perfect scenario is disturbing. Everything seems to be wrong. Though for 5 seconds, my dirty mind was on because of the nipple-licking thing. But really, I think it's stupid that they let these moments be captured by a cam. I mean, if they can't help to do that, let it not be immortalize thru a camera. Knowing that this would give another wrinkle to Lizzie II, balding Charles, cute William and the rest of the royals. Also, it's so disappointing to see the child of the most beloved Princess doing such horrid thing. I just wish that he soon straighten up his act and not be such a waste. Aargh, it breaks my heart!

disappointed and melodramatic..

when's the turning point? am not having the best days of my life to say the least. everything's not going my way. am so disappointed with myself! it was the opportunity that i was waiting for but then i messed up. i lost interest. now i can't help but be sad about it. am having my mariah carey days.. maybe there's no need to dwell on what happenned.

broke.. bummer.. ber month..

menstruation comes once a month. am not affected! but it would be a miracle if i'll experience that! haha.. actually my concern is the bills that i have to pay every month, soon i can kill the postman! when i was still working as csr at ibm, i gave in to my caprices and as always a very impulsive buyer. the not so pretty result, a staggering debt on my 2 credit cards! waahhh..

i still don't have a job and i cannot actually complain because am really not looking for any! i've been telling my friends that i could be an f.a. sa pal (food afficonado sa palamuning kwarto not a flight attendant sa phil. airlines) haha. official bum. i need to get my ass off of this computer chair and start to hunt for a well-paying job.. wish me luck!

tomorrow, the --ber month will take off. and that only means one thing - the gifts that i will give whole-heartedly to my godchildren, my family, friends and also for myself. this idea is like a driving-force for me to get a job asap. or maybe i could just try my luck on the lottery! haha..

INSPIRED BUT LIMPING

my heart is in need right now of a cpr... i have been suppressing the sound of my heart calling your name.. and am trying to focus on to the fact that you could never feel the same way for me.. how can you be so insensitive in asking the question that i have longed to hear from you? well in fact it's really not intended for me.. hear me! stupid of me still lingering on to the thought that we can be together though the odds are laid down in front of me.. am still hearting you but it seems that it will bear a scar in the end.. :-(

omfg! i have a red period!!!!

ilusyon lang.. haha.. i have been battling this sickness since it became epidemic sa mga kapit bahayan nmin.. but now i gave in.. ang drama q.. pro sore eyes lng nman.. waaahhhh!!! i woke up today and i have this eeekie pus at the corner of my eyes. i can barely open them. shocks.. am so kawawa nman.. pro blog p din dba!!?? ang saya..