bound to be shared.. broken.. limping.. but still beating..

i have prepared myself that i could end up growing old alone..

yes, somehow in a way i'm anticipating that would come but as hopeless romantic as i could be, i always dream that there's this one person who'll share his life with me.. who'll offer himself wholly to me and for only me.. the one who will fill the void in my life..

but i don't know.. i thought i found that person which i foolishly always think when somebody comes into my life..

for the nth time.. mistress seemed to be the role that i get and play without my knowledge.. if i'm really greedy and if i only think of myself, i could stay in whatever relationship that we have not minding his other love.. but i can't just be content with that.. i know i'm good enough for someone.. someone who'll give his full attention and affection.. who's unfortunately up to this time is still an enigma.. and besides i can't stay because i know that our relationship will lead nowhere..

if there's one good thing that came out of this.. it is myself not being so bitter..

which i was when this happened with my first love.. more so with that person who didn't even utter to me that he will soon be getting married..

can't i just find a guy who's not attached with someone else?.. because it is always in the end that i find that they're committed but sadly not with me when i have already fallen.. and i will not draw myself to self-destructure when i know that what i'm taking is a road without any directions.. worse, i know that in the end i will be left alone.. but as leona lewis sang.. it'll all get better in time..