pre-occupied

it's been a while since my last post. and during that period, lots of things happened that even i gets amused by it. i resigned from work. i had a boyfriend. we broke up. after 5 days, ai met this wonderful guy. who's promised to be everyhting that i have wished for. and so far, he's not letting me down. fate works mysteriously. i was kind of devastated when i broke up with rich. but then again, jay-r proved to be someone else. we clicked. both of our families know that we're together. and there's no you-and-me-against-the-world drama. also money is not an issue with my relationship with jay-r. and by that, i'm overwhelmingly happy. haha.. love it. but i have to find a job though, coz christmas is coming and my responsibilities come knocking in our door every month. so busy. so busy with my boyfriend.

sapul.

so much of my hiatus diba.. pro i just want to share this post.. sinulat ng writer/director na si jun lana. i accidentally landed on his blog at nagsimulang magbasa, but it was 15 minutes later when i realized na hindi basta basta ung author ng mga blogs na binabasa ko.. at habang senti sentihan ang tugtog ko na sana'y maulit muli ni ate regine, ayun, sapul ako sa blog ni jun lana.. grabe.. it talks about your one great love.. basahin nyo..

I want to Skip November 10

No, I do not have an exam on that day.. it was long ago that I was once a student.

It's also not the day that the world will see a naked picture of me.. if i have one.

My credit card bills aren't due on that day either.

And definitely that's not the day when Mariah will drop her latest album.

But that's the day when somebody, my somebody, will say... I DO.

I'm having a hard time coping with the situation.

Seeing him and acting like everything's ok.

I'm awake and not floating in a fantasy world.

My heart bleeds.

I fake smiles and laughters.

Sorrow is translucent behind my eyes.

Fighting back tears.

Maybe what we have was no more than a tease.

Just an ilussion.

But backed up by his proofs of love.

I'm invited to his special ocassion.

What am I to do?

I dread to hear him say those words.

Because I will never be the one to answer that.

He can never put that ring in my finger.

This is reality.

Heartbreakingly. It's a fact.

I'll put on a brave face.

But he knows it'll be just an act.

I might cry. I might sob.

I just want to skip November 10.

For it not to happen.

But am no psycho.

I'm not selfish.

I want him to be happy.

I wish them well.

my golden mom...

tomorrow, october 20, would be my mom's 50th birthday. one of the many things i'm proud of is she doesn't loook her age! she's so pretty and still is sexy. i even thank her for passing her bootylicious genes to me.. hehe.. i have so many plans. i want her to have everything and more that she can possibly think of. i want to put up a great party for her, have some fireworks which we did when my father turned 50 last august 4.

though we do not always go hand in hand, like any other relationships, ours is not perfect. we do have miscommunications, gaps and petty fights. but that really does not undermine how much i love my mom. am sorry for all of the things i said and did that hurt you. i may not be the perfect son that you may have pictured back when i was still in your womb. but you made me feel that i'm your son, i'm special, i'm loved and i have your trust and belief. you believe in me more than i believe in myself. thank you for everything. i love you and happy birthday.

Nostalgic Encounter and So Much More..

September 19.. It's the date that no matter what happens I will never ever forget because it simply is associated with a VERY VERY special person in my life. It was his birthday. But since he doesn't live around the block anymore, I never thought that I would be able to see him.

I was with my cousin smoking a marlboro lights (there's no marlboro menthol available) when I saw him walking and wearing a yellow shirt and maong shorts. Damn! He didn't change a bit. He still is drool-worthy! It's short of being an odd incident that in just a snap we returned to the usual conversation that we used to have. It was his birthday so being a manginginom that we are of course the emperador and red horse are overflowing.

We packed up a couple of minutes after 5am.. He then said that I should take things slow and gave a pretty good advice while holding my hands and gave me a very comforting and long hugs that you know I really loved! You see he said that he's been hearing stuffs which I did and he's not happy to say the least. We parted ways with him saying that he's concerned about me and should follow his advice for the sake of our "great past". Haaayyy..

Seasons of Love from Rent

-- I just love this song.. The movie is very good too.. I dream to watch this on broadway..

INSPIRED BUT LIMPING

my heart is in need right now of a cpr... i have been suppressing the sound of my heart calling your name.. and am trying to focus on to the fact that you could never feel the same way for me.. how can you be so insensitive in asking the question that i have longed to hear from you? well in fact it's really not intended for me.. hear me! stupid of me still lingering on to the thought that we can be together though the odds are laid down in front of me.. am still hearting you but it seems that it will bear a scar in the end.. :-(

poem from the past

i was looking for the old bracelet that i have which i haven't worn for years because i thought that it's uso ulit.. i thought i kept it inside my drawer so i decided to turn my drawer upside down figuratively of course or else my mom will kick me.. haha.. but there's no luck.

i didn't find it but i came across with a collection of poems i wrote before.. way back.. poems i wrote when i was still in high school for my first true love.. cheese. but really it was nice to relieve the emotions i felt for him. and it varies. from being happy because he merely smiled at me to being sad because he didn't come to school. you see these things are huge deal for me before.. immature and sensitive. our story is one that i will never forget.. i felt that i was special because he made it a point for me to feel that i really am. but i guess he never had the courage to face his feelings. coward. afraid of risks. confused. but i settled for that. silly of me.. here's one of the last few poems i wrote convincing myself that it's time for me to move on..

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Move on..??

The truth is I am deeply in love with you

But I know that you'll never feel the same way too

I made up my mind to face reality

That you're not mine 'cause that's only fantasy.

I have to admit it.. I've been hooked on you

Because I love every single detail about you

I don't know the reason why I'm into you

Even if I knew that you'll never love me too.

It's hard to leave someone who's special for you

Yet harder to stay in midst of unkown too

I'll go with reality as it goes on

Can I do it without you? Can I move on??

by rhonzkie 4.2.2001

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